July 11th - Tariffs Fly, Stocks Soar, NASA Ghosts the Boomers, and SCOTUS Plays Defense
From Trump’s global trade beefs to frozen meatloaf endorsements, the week’s top 10 stories are messy, meme-worthy, and wildly on brand for 2025.
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1. Florida’s Anti-Immigrant Law Gets Yeeted by SCOTUS
Florida tried to pull a fast one by criminalizing undocumented folks just for being there, but the Supreme Court hit pause real quick. It’s a win for immigrants (for now), and a blow to Governor DeSantis’ “cop-on-every-corner” aesthetic. The law would’ve made just existing without papers a felony. SCOTUS said, “That’s cute, but no,” and let the injunction blocking it stay in place. Honestly, it's giving “authoritarian cosplay” and SCOTUS said, “Try again, babe.”
2. Trump Sanctions UN Gaza Investigator Because Why Not
The Trump admin sanctioned Francesca Albanese, the UN's human rights expert on Palestine, accusing her of being "biased against Israel." Which... yeah, she’s literally investigating war crimes, what did y’all think she was gonna say? The move is part of Trump's new "any criticism of Israel = enemy of the state" foreign policy reboot. It’s giving insecure boyfriend energy. Like, “You can’t even look at Gaza without consequences.”
3. Houston, we have a problem
NASA is gearing up to offer early retirements and buyouts to over 2,000 senior staff as part of a “streamlining effort.” Translation: budget axe meets Space Boomers. The move targets the “old guard” in a shift toward privatized space everything. Elon Musk probably popped champagne; meanwhile, seasoned engineers who built literal moon rovers might be nudged toward the exit. The Martians are pre-shaking in anticipation.
4. Stocks Hit All-Time Highs, Again, Because Vibes > Data
Wall Street said “let’s ride” and hit new highs across the board—S&P 500, Nasdaq, Dow, even the little Russell 2000. It’s giving "delusional optimism," but in a cute, profitable way. Tech led the charge (shoutout Nvidia and Microsoft), airlines soared, and the recession everyone keeps manifesting just… refuses to RSVP. The economy’s like that one friend who’s always almost breaking down but somehow still gets promoted.
5. Copper Tariffs? No Problem, Markets Don’t Flinch
Trump announced big ol’ tariffs on copper from China and Brazil, but investors were like “meh.” Even Bitcoin’s chilling at $113k. Despite rising inflation signals and trade drama, markets shrugged like they just took an edible. Investors are banking on Fed cuts and strong Q2 earnings, basically choosing vibes over facts—again. It’s giving “boy math: if copper goes up, my stocks still slay.”
6. Ferrero Might Buy Kellogg’s for $3B, aka Choco‑Krave Era Incoming
Yes, the Nutella empire might snag Kellogg’s snack division for a sweet $3 billion. That’s right—Ferrero could soon own Cheez-Its, Pop-Tarts, and Pringles. Wall Street cheered; Kellogg stock went full rocket emoji. If this deal closes, say goodbye to “balanced breakfast” and hello to “breakfast dessert supremacy.” America’s snack shelf is about to get real Euro-core.
7. Nvidia Hits $4 Trillion Market Cap, Microsoft Hits $500/Share — Tech Bros Ascend
Nvidia became the first chip company in history to hit a $4 trillion market cap, and Microsoft’s out here trading at $500 a pop. It’s giving final boss energy. AI hype + relentless demand = unlimited gains. At this point, if you’re not invested in semiconductors, are you even trying to retire before 2070? The nerds are rich now—adjust your dating apps accordingly.
8. RFK Jr. Is Pushing Frozen “Mom’s Meals” and It’s Weird AF
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.—yes, the wellness/anti-vax one—is now hawking pre-made processed meals called “Mom’s Meals.” No shade if you live off frozen burritos, but this man literally built his brand on “eat organic, detox your aura” energy. And now? “Here’s a microwavable meatloaf.” It’s giving sellout. Either he’s trolling Whole Foods moms or he ran out of Goop collabs.
9. Trump Threatens Higher Tariffs on Canada Mid-Talks, Because Chill Is Not a Word He Knows
Just when Canada thought it was safe to sip its maple latte in peace, Trump jumped into trade talks with, “Oh btw, I might hit you with higher tariffs too.” No details, just vibes and threats. It’s part of his new “America First, Everyone Else Last” campaign reboot, and poor Justin Trudeau probably aged 5 years overnight. Honestly, Trump treats trade talks like a poker game, but he’s bluffing with no cards and still flipping the table.
10. UK Says EU Will Probably Approve France Migration Deal — Plot Thickens
Remember that whole “France will accept migrants from the UK but only if they send the same number back” thing? Well now, Yvette Cooper says the EU is likely to give it the green light. So it’s officially going from messy idea to possible policy. Basically: the UK ships a migrant to Calais, and France ships one to Dover. It’s giving Love Island but with border patrol. EU approval could mean this deal becomes the new (and very chaotic) normal for asylum seekers. Not great, Bob.
That’s all for today but don’t forget to follow us on IG @TheDailySkews — your daily plug for the memes and the messy headlines. Stay cute, stay informed, and don’t forget to #SkewTheNews. ✌️
Sources: NYT, Bloomberg, Reuters, The Guardian, BBC