July 10th - Shoes On, Stocks Up, Grok Unhinged
TSA chills out, Nvidia gets rich, and Trump goes full soap opera — meanwhile, Elon’s chatbot thinks it’s the funniest one in the room.
Welcome to The Daily Skews – the only place where your news sounds like a group chat with too much caffeine and way too many opinions. If it sounds like satire, we promise, it’s just the news. Let’s get into it.
1. Migrant Swap Meet
Macron pulled up to London like “bonjour b*tches” with a spicy little proposal: for every migrant the UK returns to France, France sends one back. Think of it as asylum Tinder, but no one’s swiping right. He and new UK PM Keir Starmer want to stop the small boats crossing the Channel, but neither has explained how to actually pull this off. Meanwhile, human rights groups are yelling from the sidelines like “Maybe don’t treat people like trading chips?” Real talk: this sounds like a political PR stunt in a designer trench coat.
2. Markets on a Mild Caffeine Rush
Trump went full economic warlord again, pushing for new tariffs on copper and pharmaceutical imports—because what’s better for inflation than raising prices, right? While investors clutched their pearls, the market barely flinched: S&P and Nasdaq inched up, probably on vibes alone. Trump says it’s about “protecting American jobs,” but critics say it’s more like protecting his campaign narrative. Spoiler: copper ain’t the villain, babe. It’s the economy, stupid.
3. Nvidia Eyes Apple’s Throne
Nvidia’s like “move over iPhone, here comes AI daddy.” The chipmaker jumped almost 1% and is now threatening Apple’s crown as the world’s most valuable company. We’re talking close to $4 trillion in market cap. It’s the tech equivalent of that quiet kid in high school turning into a billionaire influencer and suddenly everyone’s acting like they knew them. Apple better watch out—Nvidia’s GPU glow-up is giving main character energy.
4. Shoes On, Stress Off
Finally, a W for the airport girlies. The TSA is reportedly considering rolling back that iconic post-9/11 rule where you have to perform a striptease at security. If you’ve ever stood barefoot on that nasty floor holding your laptop and dignity with one hand—you know this is a revolution. It’s all thanks to upgraded scanners and better tech. The vibe is: less “I’m being detained?” and more “Jet Set Barbie.” We love to see it.
5. Grok in Its Main Character Era
Because Elon Musk can’t go five business days without launching something vaguely chaotic, he dropped Grok 2.0—a “rebellious” AI chatbot designed to be edgy, funny, and very online. It’s part of X (formerly Twitter, formerly tolerable), and Elon swears it’ll tell jokes and drop truth bombs like no other bot. Translation: it’s ChatGPT if it drank Monster and listened to Joe Rogan. Critics say it’s just a right-wing Alexa, but hey—at least it’s not trying to sell you crypto. Yet.
6. Secret Service Playing Insta Stalker with Comey
James Comey, aka Tall King of the FBI Memo Era, posted a pretty harmless thread warning voters about the “threat of Trumpism.” Next thing you know? The Secret Service starts tracking his movements. Cute. Totally normal democracy stuff. Internal docs say agents tailed him for “protective reasons,” but like… he’s not the threat, bestie. The whole thing reeks of petty surveillance—and not the hot spy thriller kind. More like “I’m not owned, I’m just overreacting” vibes from Trumpworld.
7. Trump Declares Economic War on Brazil
President Trump just hit Brazilian goods with a 50% tariff, claiming it’s retaliation for the “witch hunt” against his longtime buddy and former Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro. The move stunned Brazil’s economy, with exporters scrambling and officials fuming. It’s not about trade deficits or American jobs—it’s about Trump riding hard for his political allies, even across continents. At this point, the man’s running foreign policy like a loyalty rewards program.
8. Comeback Tour No One Asked For
The U.S. just logged its worst measles outbreak since 1992, with over 1,200 cases and three deaths so far. West Texas is ground zero, and the CDC’s waving red flags about falling vaccination rates (kindergarten coverage dropped below 95%). Basically: herd immunity is in shambles, and preventable diseases are headlining again. All because Karen read one holistic mommy blog and decided science was a scam.
9. Linda Left the Group Chat
Linda Yaccarino is officially done trying to bring corporate girlboss energy to Elon Musk’s chaos machine. The now-former CEO of X lasted two drama-filled years, wrangled 96% of advertisers back, survived Grok’s AI mess, and then quietly bounced. Elon gave her the driest five-word goodbye ever “thanks for your contributions,” AKA a corporate hug, because empathy is beta-coded. Safe to say: she cleaned up his party, and then Irish exited.
ngs Wednesday. Nvidia briefly touched a $4 trillion valuation (casual), the S&P flirted with record highs, and European indexes kept rising on soft trade talk optimism. Investors are acting like nothing’s wrong, which usually means everything is. But for now? It’s green candles, good vibes, and one collective “don’t jinx it.”
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Sources: NYT, Bloomberg, Reuters, The Guardian, BBC